1. Sherlock Holmes
  2. Happy Birthday
  3. Neil Armstrong
  4. World Cup
  5. Female hormones
 

 

Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes og Dr. Watson drog på campingtur. Efter et godt måltid mad og en god flaske vin
lagde de sig for natten. Nogle timer senere vågner Holmes op og ryster Watson for at vække ham:

"Watson, se op på himmelen og fortæl mig hvad du ser."

Watson gned sine trætte øjne og svarede, "Jeg ser millioner og atter millioner af stjerner."

"Rigtig... og hvad siger det dig?"

Watson funderede over spørgsmålet i nogle sekunder og sagde:"Astronomisk siger det mig at er er
millioner af galakser og potentielt billioner af planeter.
Astrologisk observerer jeg at Saturn er i Løvens vendekreds.
Horologisk slutter jeg mig til at klokken er omtrent kvart i tre.
Teologisk tror jeg at Gud er mægtig og at vi er små og ubetydelige.
Og endelig meteorologisk tror jeg at vi vil få et fint vejr i morgen.

Hvad siger det dig?"

Holmes var stille i nogle sekunder før han svarede:"Watson, din idiot. Nogen har stjålet vores telt!"
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Happy Birthday

WHY I FIRED MY SECRETARY (A true story - from a Toronto Star article)

Two weeks ago, was my forty-fifth birthday, and I wasn't feeling too hot that morning anyway.
I went into breakfast, knowing my wife would be pleasant and say Happy Birthday and probably have
a present for me. She didn't even say Good Morning, let alone any Happy Birthday. I said, well,
that's wives for you.
The children will remember.
The children came into breakfast and didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was feeling
pretty low and despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet said, "GoodMorning,Boss, Happy Birthday.
"And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.
I worked until noon. About noon Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know it's such a beautiful
day outside and it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you and me.
"I said, "By George, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out into the country to a little private place.
We had two martinis and enjoyed it tremendously. On the way back to the office, she said,
"You know, it's such a beautiful day. We don't need to go back to the office. Do we?" I said,
"No, I guessnot." She said, "Let's go to my apartment." After arriving at her apartment, we had
another martini and smoked a cigarette and she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into
the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."
"Sure," I excitedly replied. She went into the bedroom and in about six minutes,
she came out .......carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife and children.
All were singing Happy Birthday.....
and there on the couch I sat......with nothing on but my socks and my stiffy in one hand.

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Neil Armstrong

This is a funny, but true story about Neil Armstrong:

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous
"One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind" statement but followed it by several remarks,
usual com traffic between him, the other astronauts and Mission Control.

Just before he reentered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However,
upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant,
but Armstrong always just smiled. Just a few years ago, (on July 5, 1995 in Tampa Bay FL)
while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong.
This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.

When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which
landed in the front of his neighbor's bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. & Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky.
"Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

NOTE: This is a confirmed true story.
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World Cup

Numbers don't lie. Or do they? A bit of World Cup fun:

Brazil last won the World Cup in 1994.
Before that they won it in 1970.
Add 1970 and 1994, it equals 3964.

Germany last won the World Cup in 1990.
Before that they won it in 1974.
Add 1974 adn 1990, it equals 3964.

Argentina last won in 1986.
Before that they won in 1978.
Add 1978 and 1986, it equals 3964.

Here's the scary part:

England last won the cup in 1966.
Add it to 1998...
IT EQUALS 3964!!!


By the way:

Italy last won the cup in 1982, so...
they'll probably never win it again.


But you can still rejoice:

Belgium has never won the world cup, so...
they'll have a go for it in the year 3964.

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Chicago, October 30 1997

 Yesterday scientists in the USA revealed that beer contained small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory they fed 100 men with 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started
talking nonsense and couldn't drive.